Dear Damian,
No, it wasn't "just a discussion". It was a lot more to me.
I was thirteen. And forlorn. And close to depressed. You know how teenagers have these "emo" phases? Well, that was mine. The only things good enough back then were my books. My imagination running free. Unleashed. Uncontrolled. For once, I was not bound by "what others think", because what I thought was what mattered.
I was fourteen. Things got stable. I wasn't depressed anymore. I was upbeat. But what the books started was now a raging storm. Nothing beats a child's imagination, you know. And this imagination was soaring. I needed art to fathom it. But one art wasn't enough. I wrote. I sang. I danced. I drew.
I discovered the wonders of these arts. The interconnections. How to express the form of one in another. I fell in love with it. It drove me. I idolized the writer who whispered in my head. I looked up to the singer who drew my breath. I couldn't bring myself to merge them, though. They were just so different. And keeping them apart broke my heart.
It was then I noticed: a third art to the rescue.
You know how that singer has tattoos all over his body? Arms, wrist, chest, even on a leg? I found that fantastic. And you know how, in the books, there's a crest, and there are quotes, and a lot of other things that people have inked onto them? The answer was right in front of me forever. I just couldn't see it.
I'm twenty now. It's been six years, but the idea of inking myself has not faded yet. Sure, the ideas back then were crazier. I planned to get whole sleeves! I don't want that now. But it's still that beautiful art. I know you think it's not so good. But you should know why it means so much to me. Damian, it's my tribute. I've always looked upon this woman as the one who sculpted me with her writing. I know this is not doing something for her, but I want it to be a part of me forever. Do you know that even today, I don't want to get a tattoo of my name? Or someone else's name? Or a random bird or bunny or star? Damian, I look at twenty tattoo images in a day. Small ones, large ones, everything. And do you know what I think when I see a good one? "That would be a nice place to get a tattoo. I'll replace the stars with a scar, though. Or glasses." Whenever I read the books, and I come across a nice quote, I judge it on whether its good enough to go on my body. I'm crazy like that.
Damian, even I don't think it's fitting to scar yourself for someone else. But I'm not doing this for someone else. I'm not doing it randomly, too. I'm doing this for something I love. You know how people see tattooed people and ask them, "What does this signify?" I want to say "Harry Potter". I just want to. And I want to draw symbologies and I want to be subtle about it. I want it because it's what's built me when I was breaking. And having it makes me feel stronger. It makes me feel bolder. It's like having the book by my side.
I just hope you understand how much this means to me, Damian. And I hope you understand how it breaks my heart when you say it's not good. I don't want it to be good. It's been my dream. And it's very close to my heart.
It's not just ink on the skin, Damian. It's who I am.
Love,
Emma.
No, it wasn't "just a discussion". It was a lot more to me.
I was thirteen. And forlorn. And close to depressed. You know how teenagers have these "emo" phases? Well, that was mine. The only things good enough back then were my books. My imagination running free. Unleashed. Uncontrolled. For once, I was not bound by "what others think", because what I thought was what mattered.
I was fourteen. Things got stable. I wasn't depressed anymore. I was upbeat. But what the books started was now a raging storm. Nothing beats a child's imagination, you know. And this imagination was soaring. I needed art to fathom it. But one art wasn't enough. I wrote. I sang. I danced. I drew.
I discovered the wonders of these arts. The interconnections. How to express the form of one in another. I fell in love with it. It drove me. I idolized the writer who whispered in my head. I looked up to the singer who drew my breath. I couldn't bring myself to merge them, though. They were just so different. And keeping them apart broke my heart.
It was then I noticed: a third art to the rescue.
You know how that singer has tattoos all over his body? Arms, wrist, chest, even on a leg? I found that fantastic. And you know how, in the books, there's a crest, and there are quotes, and a lot of other things that people have inked onto them? The answer was right in front of me forever. I just couldn't see it.
I'm twenty now. It's been six years, but the idea of inking myself has not faded yet. Sure, the ideas back then were crazier. I planned to get whole sleeves! I don't want that now. But it's still that beautiful art. I know you think it's not so good. But you should know why it means so much to me. Damian, it's my tribute. I've always looked upon this woman as the one who sculpted me with her writing. I know this is not doing something for her, but I want it to be a part of me forever. Do you know that even today, I don't want to get a tattoo of my name? Or someone else's name? Or a random bird or bunny or star? Damian, I look at twenty tattoo images in a day. Small ones, large ones, everything. And do you know what I think when I see a good one? "That would be a nice place to get a tattoo. I'll replace the stars with a scar, though. Or glasses." Whenever I read the books, and I come across a nice quote, I judge it on whether its good enough to go on my body. I'm crazy like that.
Damian, even I don't think it's fitting to scar yourself for someone else. But I'm not doing this for someone else. I'm not doing it randomly, too. I'm doing this for something I love. You know how people see tattooed people and ask them, "What does this signify?" I want to say "Harry Potter". I just want to. And I want to draw symbologies and I want to be subtle about it. I want it because it's what's built me when I was breaking. And having it makes me feel stronger. It makes me feel bolder. It's like having the book by my side.
I just hope you understand how much this means to me, Damian. And I hope you understand how it breaks my heart when you say it's not good. I don't want it to be good. It's been my dream. And it's very close to my heart.
It's not just ink on the skin, Damian. It's who I am.
Love,
Emma.
No comments:
Post a Comment