Emma smiled, but she cried. Her lips curled, but her eyes were moist, and she stepped into the shower and looked up at the falling water. Her life seemed pretty much like those falling droplets... Down... down... down...
She thought of Vivian and Tanya. She smiled a wide smile. Out of the many friends she had made in college, Tanya was simply the only one Emma could relate to. She was in a relationship with Vivian. Vivian -- Emma recalled that face of his, smiled weakly again. He had proposed to Tanya on Valentines day. She had no idea he liked her in that way at all. Tanya was so lucky, she thought. What she had, anyone would trade it for millions. At least Emma would...
She took a sharp breath, and the smile from her face slid down faster than the water fell. Her life felt like a game of Dominoes to her now. Whomever she had liked, ended up either mysteriously not talking or in another relationship. Alex wasn't talking, heaven knew why. And Vivian... Tanya had won that too. Like the class elections, like the competitions, like almost everything else, she had gotten there first. She had won.
Emma knew this wasn't her decision at all. It all had been, and still was, Vivian's choice to make. Emma knew Vivian had chosen Tanya, but she couldn't help thinking that if she had acted faster, she would have...
"Stop that, Emma," she told herself firmly, "you want to ruin it all again, like Leah and you did--"
She shut her eyes. It couldn't be remembered even. What had happened between herself and Leah was bad enough, and she couldn't bear that again. College was a new life altogether for Emma. Repeating the same mistakes here too wasn't affordable.
The tired Emma within her sobbed hard, and she sobbed with her. She was tired of this maze. She was tired of this game. All she wanted was a peaceful life, and her heart wouldn't let her have one. She forced Vivian out of her mind. Just because she had liked him, she couldn't ruin it for Tanya. Tanya was her friend. Like Leah had been.
Suddenly something in her vanished, and she crumpled to the floor. She didn't know why, but she cried. She thought of every fallen piece of her, and wept her heart out. The water kept running, and so did her tears, and she cried like she hadn't in a long time.
Half an hour later, she emerged out of the bathroom, hair wet and tangled, fingers fogged, eyes puffed, and intention clear -- no losing friends at any cost. And she walked mechanically, ignoring her mother's calls, and collapsed on her bed.
She thought of Vivian and Tanya. She smiled a wide smile. Out of the many friends she had made in college, Tanya was simply the only one Emma could relate to. She was in a relationship with Vivian. Vivian -- Emma recalled that face of his, smiled weakly again. He had proposed to Tanya on Valentines day. She had no idea he liked her in that way at all. Tanya was so lucky, she thought. What she had, anyone would trade it for millions. At least Emma would...
She took a sharp breath, and the smile from her face slid down faster than the water fell. Her life felt like a game of Dominoes to her now. Whomever she had liked, ended up either mysteriously not talking or in another relationship. Alex wasn't talking, heaven knew why. And Vivian... Tanya had won that too. Like the class elections, like the competitions, like almost everything else, she had gotten there first. She had won.
Emma knew this wasn't her decision at all. It all had been, and still was, Vivian's choice to make. Emma knew Vivian had chosen Tanya, but she couldn't help thinking that if she had acted faster, she would have...
"Stop that, Emma," she told herself firmly, "you want to ruin it all again, like Leah and you did--"
She shut her eyes. It couldn't be remembered even. What had happened between herself and Leah was bad enough, and she couldn't bear that again. College was a new life altogether for Emma. Repeating the same mistakes here too wasn't affordable.
The tired Emma within her sobbed hard, and she sobbed with her. She was tired of this maze. She was tired of this game. All she wanted was a peaceful life, and her heart wouldn't let her have one. She forced Vivian out of her mind. Just because she had liked him, she couldn't ruin it for Tanya. Tanya was her friend. Like Leah had been.
Suddenly something in her vanished, and she crumpled to the floor. She didn't know why, but she cried. She thought of every fallen piece of her, and wept her heart out. The water kept running, and so did her tears, and she cried like she hadn't in a long time.
Half an hour later, she emerged out of the bathroom, hair wet and tangled, fingers fogged, eyes puffed, and intention clear -- no losing friends at any cost. And she walked mechanically, ignoring her mother's calls, and collapsed on her bed.
