Dreaming With The Dead : Part-2

Fifteen minutes in the graveyard. Boon or bane, Emma thought.

A soft bound and she was across the open drain separating the road and the jungle. The temperature  - did it actually drop so suddenly or was it just Emma's feeling? She stared at the gate ahead. The wrought-iron half-gate, three feet above the ground, must have been a handsome black some day. Now the paint peeled off from where it had managed to stay stuck through the years. The hinges were all rusted, and it seemed the gate would crumple to dust if anyone as much as even touched it.

Eyes fixed on the gate, Emma took a step forward. And she stumbled. Slight disturbances over her shoulder that Leah had made a move towards her. As Emma steadied herself, she smiled. "Always the elder one," she muttered to herself. She glanced down at what had made her trip. Not an inch of ground could be seen. It was all overgrown with grass, covered with dead leaves and had creepers running all over. "Just my type of thrill," she mumbled, even as she felt an involuntary shudder.

She pushed the gate open with one hand. And the next second, she regretted her action. The gate creaked loudly, swung a little and the hinges gave away. Emma rushed to catch it mid-way of its fall, and placed it lightly on the ground along the boundary wall. "I never touched it," she mumbled. She took a deep, long breath and stepped forward. She looked above her head and stifled back a scream. Had she seen a glimpse of a pair of monstrous eyes and a mouth? A second step ahead told her she was wrong. "Holy crow..." she breathed. The banyan trees flanking the gate looked remarkably monstrous, with a hollow in place of a mouth and rare slits of sunlight as eyes. The dangling roots made them look like Medusa. "Nice placing," Emma thought, and walked on.

Another fifty meters of walk took her well inside the forest - or so she thought. Her friends' voices were now sounding muffled. Maybe because of the thick trees. Or maybe because of the air, so thick with eerie silence you could slice it with a knife. It all may have seemed quite uninviting to others, but to Emma, it was nothing short of mesmerizing. Her brother Adrian had been inside many times, and she envied him on that. There was no denying that it all gave Emma the creeps like hell - the trees, the creepers, the graves and light mist with a strangely familiar smell - but she enjoyed it all.

At least she thought she did...

There was a great many variety of trees in the jungle and it was almost impossible to decipher which was which unless you had a close enough look - there was hardly any light in there. At rare spots the sunlight fought its way through the thick canopy and hit the ground like sparkling gold.

And it was in one of these rare golden spots that Emma saw it.

It was silver and gold, with a sharp edge, glinting mysteriously in the sunlight. Emma picked it up, but hardly had the time to register its beauty when something caught her across the ankles and she fell face-down on the moss-and-creeper-strewn ground.

After what seemed like a long time, or maybe no time at all, Emma flicked open her eyes. The smell of moss filled her nose, and she took a deep breath. It was the sweetest perfume. She got to her feet and looked around. Suddenly, there was a rustle nearby, like footsteps on the carpeted ground. Emma's heart raced. She gulped hard and stared, trying to look through the darkness. Her brain urged her to turn around and run as fast as her legs could carry her, but her heart whispered, "Stay." The next second she heard a voice, so familiar and welcome as ever : "Emma!" Leah called out. Emma heaved a sigh of relief. "You disappoint me, dead-men!" she thought, as a wide grin spread across her face. "Emma!" Leah's voice wafted through the trees. "Em....ow! Oh, this scarf!" Emma shook her head. The scarf had probably troubled Leah more than Emma had. She trotted off towards Leah.

"You know, I sometimes have a point when I tell you to tie the scarf like before," Emma called out as she approached Leah. Leah looked up from the branch at which she'd been tugging and cried, "Em! Where were you? I've been looking for you all over! Oh, thank God you're safe...."
"Nah, a dead man over there just invited me for a cuppa, I'm going, see ya!" Emma chucked, "And snap the twig, Einstein," she added, breaking Leah's scarf free from the tree, a twig dangling from it.

"So, what made you come and look for me?" Emma asked, launching into a conversation like it was a evening stroll in the park. "Your fifteen minutes are up," Leah informed, "and I was worried," she confessed. Emma shook her head. "Always the elder one," she said, and smiled. Leah returned it, and her wandering glances fell on the object in Emma's hand - silver ad gold, glinting in spite of the darkness. "What's that, Em?" Leah asked.

Emma looked more closely. It was a locket - gold and silver on a gold chain. It was oddly shaped, it didn't look like a holy cross. Something else glittered across the shorter arms. Emma rushed to the patch of sunlight in front of her and held it up to look closely. "It's a sword," she breathed. It was a beautiful piece of work - the handle and the hilt were pure gold, and the blade was a gleaming spotless silver. Across the hilt, embedded in the gold, gleamed little round stones. Emma couldn't believe her eyes. Could it be........
"Moonstones, yes," Leah answered her thoughts. "That's worth a fortune, that locket. Pure gold chain, silver, moonstones and all.." But Emma wasn't listening. Something pulled her back into memories - memories unknown to her, where she was just a stranger. But it was all familiar too. She heard a distant voice in her head, exclaiming, "Moonstones, Lewis? Oh, shouldn't have..." And then another voice said, "Shh...!"

It hit Emma hard on the heart like an electric shock. A pang of horror and a deep feeling of loss engulfed her, and she found herself being tortured by a distant scream, a voice so troubled, so familiar...

"Em?!" Leah cried, shaking Emma by the shoulders. Emma came to her senses. Gone was the scream, the voices, the horror.
"You fine?" Leah asked, her voice heavy with concern.
"Yeah..yeah.." Emma lied. She knew convincing Leah wasn't so easy. But Leah asked no further questions.

They walked on, deeper into the forest. The trees now got thicker, the graves more ancient. It was hard to make out the names on them.
"Shouldn't we go back now, Em?" Leah asked, and she clearly wasn't as fond of the atmosphere as Emma.
"Hang on, Li," Emma replied.

They walked further, Emma leading, the sword locket clutched in her hand. Maybe it was some sort of talisman that made her forget what it felt like to be afraid when she was in the midst of darkness and dead. Emma saw Leah flinch at the slightest rustle, and a swooping bird once made her jump right on top of Emma. Emma's head was blank, unknown to all the creepy feelings Leah was having. This place... it was more than just a graveyard. Something within her told her that this place, this path that she followed so involuntarily, held many answers. To what questions, Emma did not know.

They soon lost track of time and position, as they kept walking deeper and deeper into the forest. Leah now winced at every other step. But Emma thought otherwise. The green forest floor, towering canopy, the breath of forest in the air, the little beams of golden sunshine - why, there was nowhere as beautiful! Although she was far from home, and this place was far from welcoming, she could feel a warmth around. Like she was getting closer and closer to a goal. And after that she'd be able to relax.. Her job would be done.. She'd be at peace.. Rest in peace.. RIP, as the headstones around her said..

"What was that?" Leah breathed. Emma turned around to face her.

Leah had stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes wide with terror, she looked around to her left. Slowly, very carefully, she turned her head.
"What was it, Li?" Emma asked.
She strained her ears for some sound. None came.
"Something moved. There...over there..." Leah said, pointing at a nearby clump of trees.
"What was there, Li?" Emma asked, "Did you see it?"
"I...I saw something glint...I thought it was the sunlight...but it was all silver...and solid...and...and then...there was this axe..."
"Axe?!"
"Yeah...like hanging in mid-air or something...but then...then..."
"Then what?"
"I heard this...this swish...like a cloak...you know..."
"Cloak? Axe?"
Emma rushed to the clump of trees. There was nothing there. No axe. No cloak. Not the slightest sign of footsteps. She walked back to Leah, who looked petrified.
 "There's nothing there, Li," she said, grabbing Leah's shoulders, and smiled. Leah couldn't return it this time.
"No, Em! I saw it! I'm sure I saw it! It was..."
"No one could have been there, Li...!" Emma interrupted, "there's not the slightest place to hide back there!"
"I don't know...Oh, Em! I don't like it here...This is...this is BAD!"

Emma felt a stab of disappointment, like someone had insulted her very house.

"It's not bad, Li...This place isn't bad..."

Leah stared back at Emma. Colour drained from her face.
"We're in the middle of a graveyard, Em. There's no one alive, not even half-alive, around us now! I don't understand why..."
 "There IS something about this place!" Emma said, her voice now lined with the plea of understanding, "there's something in here - I don't know what - but it's gonna open many secrets!"

She began to pace backward, looking around her. "Look here, Li! It's all green...so peaceful...so quiet...It's all so calm, secluded, like I've always wanted! What could possibly go wrong in such a place?! It's all so..."
She tripped. And she fell flat on her back. She sat up and looked around to see what had obstructed her path...

A body. And a pool of blood.

It was a girl's. She wasn't more than a year or two elder to Emma or Leah. Her body was oddly twisted, like someone had broken her pelvic joint. Emma's gaze travelled up the body, and another awful sight awaited her.

Where there should have been a neck, were pieces of flesh, like minced meat. The blood was still trickling out, and it engulfed the shoulders, and the head lay in a gleaming scarlet puddle.

Dreaming With The Dead : Part-1

The thick growth of trees blocked away most of the sunlight, and all you could see ahead was leaves, branches and more leaves. Creepers wound themselves on any surface they found; you couldn't dare to stand there for long in the fear that you too would be engulfed. Out of the ground rose shrubs and graves, alike if you saw abundance. A thick carpet of moss spread over the forest floor and on the graves, obscuring the names. Some headstones were cracked, as if gnawed at by the remnants of the graves beneath.
And through the eerie mist and silence pierced the high-pitch laughter of a group of friends walking past the graveyard, oblivious of the atmosphere within.

"Oh, everyone knows you're lying!" said Penny, still chuckling over the 'truth' answer Natalie had given.
"Oh, come on!" exclaimed Natalie, as usual her voice sing-song and accented, and flicked her hair out of her face.
"OA!" Hannah exclaimed, "Over-Acting!!!" and began laughing. Everyone followed, shouting, "OA!" as Natalie shook her head. They walked on.

With their major test over, Emma & Leah had got together with their bunch of friends - Beth, Donna, Amy, Hannah, Penny and Natalie - and planned a trip of their colony. As they were walking, Leah had struck upon the idea of playing "truth or dare" - a new application on Emma's phone that she'd taken from her cousin. After an interesting and 'untruthful' round of the game with Natalie on the answering side, it was time for another round. Emma tapped on the 'play' button and, after a whiff of tense air, witnessed the popping up of a familiar name on her screen:
"Emma, it's your turn."

Emma held up her phone for others to see.

"Hmmmmm," said Donna and Beth in their usual smirky way.

"Woohoo!" Natalie exclaimed and started clapping.

Leah raised an eyebrow at her and then looked at Emma, "Go on, choose something!"

Emma held her finger on top of the screen and did a quick inky-pinky-ponky in her head.

"yep, my pinky wants a DARE," she thought to herself, stopping at the top of the option in gleaming red letters - "DARE". She tapped on it and Penny announced, "She's chosen DARE!" There was another round of 'hmmmmm's and 'woohoo's followed by claps and then the task popped up on the screen:
"Spend at least fifteen minutes in the nearest dangerous place."
Emma stared at the task for what seemed like ages and as soon as she comprehended the exact meaning of the gleaming red words on the screen, she gulped hard.
"You bloody traitor! How I wish I could throw you away somewhere!" she muttered at the phone.
Leah snatched the phone from Emma's hands and read the task aloud.
"And that means..." Penny whispered in a dramatic way.
"The Graveyard," Hannah thought aloud.
There was a familiar sound of hands clasping to the mouth and everyone turned to look at Natalie. Except Leah. She was looking at Emma with an immensely intense expression. Emma looked back at her and nodded.
"I'm in."
"You sure?" Leah asked, now with an air of a concerned elder sister about her.
"Yep!" Emma said, a bit excited about the task. Heads turned back to her.
"Go on, baby! Give us some thrill!" Hannah said, thumping Emma on her back.
"So guys, I'm gonna go in and spend an amazing fifteen minutes with the dashing dead. Watch me!" Emma said, now making cool and funny hand gestures. Leah couldn't help noticing the slight tremble in Emma's voice. But this is what Emma had wanted all along. Ever since her brother, Adrian, had told her about his visits to the graveyard, she had wanted to get in there, probably shake hands with a dead man or shake a leg with two. There was a short walk, which Emma covered in a couple of steps, that would land her right in front of the gate of the graveyard. She turned around to see all her friends giving her a "thumbs-up", and Leah's face a bit contorted.

Emma turned around to face the gate of the creepy graveyard. It was the most uninviting gate Emma had ever seen in her seventeen years of 'life' (if it could be called that). Slowly, she moved towards the graveyard, all set for the adventure that awaited her inside. Leah saw the perfect figure of her best friend climbing the gutter-barrier, crossing it and moving towards the gate. Emma stumbled a bit and Leah instinctively took a step forward. But Emma regained balance and so Leah backed off.

Emma slowly caught hold of the rusted iron handle of the gate and gave it a slight push. It was as if she had awoken the gate-ghost which shook violently with a loud, creaking noise. Emma was sure that if the gate fell off, it would make a noise loud enough to awaken the dead. So carefully, she caught hold of the gate and placed it aside.
"I never touched it," she mumbled. She dusted off her hands and stood in front of the entry, looking uo at the tall, dark figures of the banyan trees with their roots dangling from all sides in an oddly creepy manner. They looked like large, black replicas of Medusa. Emma felt a chill run down her spine. At that precise moment, she was suddenly haunted by the urge to turn around and run away from the terrible place. But, she didn't budge. She wasn't sure why she couldn't back off - either it was her strong determination, the fact that she'd been waiting for this all the while; or it was simply because she was having cold feet. Literally.

Leah watched Emma standing in front of the gate for four whole minutes and then she saw her stepping in. Emma's first two steps were uncertain but she took her next steps quickly. Leah knew how much Emma had wanted to go in. She silently prayed as she watched Emma's figure getting smaller and smaller with every passing second and finally, she disappeared in the shadows. Emma was gone.
 

Alone...

Alone. That word described Emma's feelings best.

What was it, she thought, that no one had struck up on a long conversation with her for so long? Her regular chat friends now having vanished, did she have absolutely no one to have a word with? True, she talked to her family. But her friends? The past two years had made them an indispensable part of her life. It was different, having a friend-to-friend chat, exchanging recent news, keep blabbering on and on over the most trivial topics... Did her absence from messaging groups cut her off from her friends completely? If this were the case, she was in for a long, lonely time...

She thought of Leah. But then decided otherwise. Thinking of her hurt.

Emma didn't know when Leah kept free. She was a busy girl, after all. And more often than not, their phonecalls ended early. A bit too early for Emma's liking. The very last thing she'd ever wanted to happen was stay cut off from Leah, and her worst fears were coming true.

There were things happening in the world, and Emma knew she couldn't be sure of even half of them. But there was one thing to be sure of-- She was missing her friens hard as stomachache...

Dear Li,
What's happening with me...??!

Why don't people see what I've been through? Li, people are prepared to hear his side of the story, not mine. For once, I don't want to broadcast it. And they want me to talk it out, clear everything... What's left, to be cleared?

Peter says he looked down, whenever they met. I don't know about him, Li. But I'm trying to get over that trauma. And talking to him won't help. If he's actually feeling down, I'll consider it good cuz I awakened a real person in him. But I can't let that one person thrive on me, my mum and dad... Li, help me strenghthen myself... Help me save my own heart and theirs too...

I just wish people would understand that hidden tears don't mean zero fears...!

Love,
Emma

A Half Truth, A Whole Lie...

Emma stared blankly into space, as she felt all feeling drained from her.
Her mother was right: Ernie knew about Drew, he knew what happened, what he'd done, how she'd felt. But ought he to? She, Emma, thought this in the long term. And your partner have knowledge of your ex? No, that was not tolerable. It could explode out of him sometime int the future. And Emma would regret it then.
Emma put her head in her hands, knowing nothing but exhaustion. What would life had been, she thought, had Ernie not known... Why did she have to blab it all out to him? Th life she'd lost, owing to that conversation, seemed like a mortal wound...
But the stuff he'd said in front of her mother...
Beneath her fingers, her eyes flew open. Rage, fury rose within her like acid. He believed the stuff people told him. What had happened at Drew's place, Emma had told him. Yet, he chose to speak, if not believe, the worst. The lies. And how come people knew about the video? What all had he been thinking? Hearing? What was Emma's image in his head...?
Emma punched her pillow to a more comfortable shape. Through the gloom, she silently agreed with Arthur: Relationships were indeed C.R.A.P.

Emma stood beneath the shower, wishing it could wash away everything...
She'd finally gulped down the fact that with such an ability to invent lies and rumors, about his own girlfriend, Ernie didn't deserve her. But there was another severe blow - she'd lost Adrian as well.
Leah had been right, boys couldn't be trusted. Why didn't he understand that when Emma said he was her brother, she always meant it, from all her heart? It was probably the highest, most wonderful place Emma could ever put someone into. Both Adrian and Ernie - Emma gave them such high positions. And they, whatever else they might have done, abused it.
Emma wasn't sure if she could do it again. They'd snuffed out her belief, her trust, her passion from all those wonderful relationships - a friend, a brother, a partner... She felt irrationally empty, hollow from within, that with one simple act, they'd moved so far from her. She saw them, and had floods of memories. She missed, not them, but the people she'd thought them to be...
She couldn't think of hunting them down. But she couldn't love them either. She could pray that somewhere, someday, even they'd find someone they could put their heart into.

As Emma scavenged the racks at the supermarket for more biscuits, her phone beeped, showing a new message. She opened it, and saw:
Yvaine: Emma... U r ok na? I knw u r nt :/ Bt still, hw r u nw?
Emma sighed.
Just two days back, Donna had told her another "Ernie-fact". If Emma was truthful to herself, she wanted to hear them all the very less. But somehow, knowing them, and pitying at the person Ernie had become, was oddly satisfying. Ernie had been the one who'd been posting anonymous confessions of love to Margaret. It had rather been a topic of interest as far as Emma knew (not being a part of the page, she couldn't be sure). "Yvaine is the admin of that page," Donna had said, "and she told me to inform you. He's cheating on you."
That time Emma had a sudden recollection of a talk with Leah. She had told Emma that Ernie had proposed to another girl while he was supposed to be in a relationship with Emma. She'd refused to name her. Had it been Margaret?
How many other hearts had that devil trod upon? Or had Margaret been sensible enough not to take him seriously? Emma wondered if this was the cause of her suffering: Her naive, childish mind. Her habit of listening to her heart. Her belief that there was indeed some magic that set things right in the end...
And as she looked down at Yvaine's message, she wondered how many other people knew about it. Had Ernie spread the word? Or had people simply deduced as they'd seen him walking and talking with Emma? And those who knew, would they sympathize with Emma, knowing how badly she'd been hurt? Or would they say she'd been stupid? Or, Emma's stomach clenched at the thought, had people heard Ernie's version about her going to meet Drew ad taken her that way?
It doesn't matter, Emma told herself firmly. This was a lone battle, and people could comfort her, stand by her, but they couldn't possibly fight in her place. Yvaine was right, Ernie was a freak. And it gave Emma slight hope, believing Yvaine's words that heartbreaks were indeed good, that they indeed brought you one step closer to the one you're actually meant to be with, and Emma did indeed deserve someone much better...

Why was it, Emma asked herself, that everything felt so constricting?
It was like being wrapped in a cocoon - of memories. She wanted to get out. Because suffocating in them could lead her nowhere. She wanted to have a free life. Without worries, without resentment, without painful recollections. She wanted the life she had had before 8th December 2010 ever happened.
But she could just keep wishing...
Even the weather seemed to mock her. She'd spent two summers entirely to Drew's name. She'd spent those days hoping for him to be alright. For him to be free. Without a care for her own self. And as she breathed in the warm evening air, looked at the darkness outside, those strange squirmy feelings she'd had back then hit her like hailstones. She couldn't scream, she couldn't screen herself from them.
How much more did she have to bear? How many more blows could she possibly take on her trust? Drew - whom she'd devoted herself to and forgotten EVERYTHING else. Ernie - all those wonderful feelings of love and trust he'd FAKED in front of her. Adrian - who did so much for her, but never shared how strongly he felt for her. Were there more of them? Was her future going to be like the present was - warm and lit, yet cold, dark, dank, unkempt...?
Then she thought of Leah. She'd been with her so long. She wouldn't have, surely...
...But what had she told Emma's mother? There aren't nice talks about Emma around, Aunty... Did that mean she believed them> And where from had she heard them? She thought about that video clip and her insides squirmed. Penny knew. Possibly even Natalie. And what was it that Leah had heard? Sick thoughts swam in front of Emma's eyes... What all they must have talked about, when they were alone when Emma wasn't with them... She tried to push them all out. She couldn't let her brain rot, too.
Trembling with doubts, afraid of being left alone, she did the best she could at the moment - she picked up her phone and texted Leah:
"Leah... You won't leave me, will you?"
She fought back the wetness in her eyes. She had to be strong. Ready to face the worst. Ready to face anything coming at her. But surely not this...?!
A second or two passed. Then Emma's phone vibrated violently - Leah's call. Emma answered it.
"Hello?"
"Hello, Em?"
"Hello, hey Li?! What's up?"
"Hey, Em, listen - "
"Yeah - "
"Swear on my life and tell me - "
"Yeah, what's going on - "
"Em, did Arthur just propose you...??"
And as she dropped on the couch literally howling with laughter, Emma realized that there was a future, indeed...

"But what's my mistake? Please, Em!"
Emma felt a corrosive hatred towards that phrase now. "Please", indeed. There was nothing 'pleasing' at all about the time, or situation in which it had been asked.
So he didn't know WHY Emma didn't talk to him? That was weird. Because Emma could tick of his doings on her fingers right on his face. Problem was, words got stuck in her throat.
First was the one reason she couldn't ignore even if she wanted to - he knew about Drew. Her mom was right, it could create problems in the future. Maybe they'd ignore at first, but when they had responsibilities on them, you couldn't tell what would backfire when. Her mom had said she'd have made done with everything but this. This was the biggest glitch.
But was it?
There was the fact about the video. Only Ernie, Adrian, Roger and Emma were supposed to know about it. Emma hadn't even told Leah. And Penny knew. PENNY?! There had to be a leak somewhere. Whom all had Ernie been telling? And what all had he been telling?
And the worst of all was Leah's information - that he'd proposed another girl while they were in a relationship. That fact tore at her very heart. Because she had been thinking he wasn't like Drew. And she'd been thwarted. Again.
And what about the stuff he'd told her mother? "The way she'd left Drew's place, Aunty...! She was so messed up! And Drew's been telling people about the fun he had that day...!" Messed up was she? She'd love to show him what messed up meant. She's love to show Adrian how much it "pained" too. She'd smack the two of them to death. Only she wasn't in a state to do so.
The hatred, the anger bubbled within Emma like acid. She was corroding, turning to dust from within, and there was nothing she could do about it. She felt like she was dying... Already dead, perhaps... And the odds of reviving her hovered near about nil...

Emma smiled. She knew some things would never change.
It was her foolishness, maybe, or perhaps a habit, or simply because her heart was that way, but she forgave people in the ed. Always. Even if she didn't resume the bond they used to have.
She'd forgiven Ricky for saying all that stuff about them behind their backs. She'd forgiven Drew. And Adrian. And Ernie (though she did pity the three of them with all hr heart). And - she wasn't sure if you could call it forgiving - but she'd disregarded all those times Derek had promised to meet and hadn't turned up, and still regarded him a brother at heart. Anson Roy was a different case, as he sprang up an argument every time they faced each other, and had been careful enough to criticize her always. That was competition, arrogance and pig-headedness, as Emma called it.
There was nothing wrong in believing someone to be your brother at heart. Their contact - Emma and Derek's - had been absolutely zero ever since he had left for college. She hadn't found him on Facebook, either (though she'd love to, after her exams). The girls, Ricky and an old 'friend', Diana, were the same as ever (she couldn't be sure about Diana, they'd never met after their quarrel) - just typical of girls: Don't talk. Don't consider. Don't even look.
She forgave, but didn't forget...!
Nothing could make her have Drew, Adrian or Ernie back now. How much ever they tried, she wouldn't let them. She had her mother backing her up. What was wrong, she thought, in relieving the mind of all trouble it had caused and living a happy life, keeping the cause of troubles at bay? She thought of Peter. Except for a couple of instances, none of them had recalled 8th December 2009 again. They'd been chatting freely. They talked freely. Emma guessed it was because he'd apologized then and there, and had never let that matter crop up again.
She wouldn't give in to emotional blackmail. She'd experienced enough not to let that happen again. There might be some light in the dank future, she thought, but she'd have learnt enough by then to decide if it was truly light or just luster. She looked down at her phone, at the highly sentimental ('mental',actually, Emma thought) version of his state Ernie had sent. She'd reply to him when hell froze over, and maybe not even then.
This was a lesson learnt, and tacked to her heart forever more...

See If You Can Hide it...

"I've had enough, you know," Leah said. "What makes me think I could have married him? Who wants to get married?!"

Emma smiled. Yeah, really. Leah could try her best. No success with Emma, though!

After the breakup with Arthur she'd been devastated. Emma knew it as well as Leah did. Whom was she kidding? Couldn't Emma figure out what she felt...? She could feel how Leah felt. And Leah wasn't one who could change like so. She was one of the strongest and stubbornest persons Emma had ever met.

No. Try as she may, Leah couldn't snuff out the love she had. They were writers, after all. And writers were born to love...!

She Fakes It All!

"God save me from love!" Leah exclaimed. She was talking to Yvaine, who was in an oh-my-God-we-are-so-much-in-love sort of a relationship with Anson. Leah had cracked a hell of a joke and Yvaine just seemed to BLUSH at it. That was more than enough to make Leah roll her eyes in an I-don't-want-to-live-on-this-planet-anymore way.
"You don't understand," Yvaine said, still blushing.
Yeah, right. I don't understand. Leah thought.
"Maybe I'm just too good at pretending," Leah said, in her usual matter-of-fact way.
Again, Yvaine turned a bright pink. She just seemed to blush at EVERYTHING! Leah swore a tomato would feel insecure in Yvaine's presence. Yes, she was too much in love. Too much.
And so Yvaine went on and on about how Anson would turn up late for their meetings, get down at wrong stations because he's so lost in talking to his sweetheart, wouldn't wake up until Yvaine called him forty-seven times and so on.
"You never fire him, do you?" Leah asked.
"Never! Neither does he!" Yvaine replied, obviously blushing.
"That's kinda cute," Leah said, with a pretty fake smile.
Yvaine wasn't much of a 'friend'. But Leah didn't really hate her. Only sometimes Yvaine was too annoying. Especially when she talked about Anson - which was ALL THE TIME! So, to sum it up, Yvaine was annoying all the time!
"Well, I do fire him, when he doesn't take his medicines," Yvaine said.
"For God's sake go and see a doctor on the face of this earth!" Arthur's words suddenly boomed in Leah's head. That's how he would react if she wasn't feeling well, yet would refuse to see a doctor.
"Doctors annoy me, Arthur, and I hate medicines," she'd say.
"You are never going to listen to me, are you?" he'd ask, furiously.
"No!" she'd say, winking. And then Leah would spend the next two hours pacifying him. Arthur wasn't the sort of a person who got angry too often. But when he did, it was equal to thousand hells breaking loose at the same time. And for the cherry on top, Leah was the only girl who succeeded in angering him.
"You seem lost," Yvaine said, disturbing Leah's wave of thoughts.
"Oh! Umm no, nothing!" Leah said, forcing another smile.
Yvaine didn't pester her anymore. She went back to narrating other koo-chi-koo incidences while Leah submerged herself in her own thoughts.
Leah somehow seemed to hate Yvaine for being so happy in a relationship. She hated herself even more for that. Leah knew she wasn't the sort of a person who would end up in despair just because she's jealous of someone who's in a healthy relationship. But in the end, she had to accept the bitter truth. Why does Yvaine seem like an annoying person while all she does is share moments of her heavenly relationship with me? Shouldn't I be happy? Leah often found herself dwelling on these thoughts. But she never found an answer. Or maybe she did, but wasn't ready to accept it.
For the world, for her friends, Leah was a girl who had turned away from the name of 'relationships'. Someone who dreamed about her future, a bright career instead of romance, the first kiss. It was true, Leah WANTED to be an ambitious girl. A self-centered strong woman who focused more on her family, her dreams. But that really wasn't Leah Kent.
When she had fallen for Arthur, she had never expected him to love her back. But when it happened, when they did land up in a relationship, she hadn't expected him to fall out. Not in one month, at least.
"Three months! Can you believe it?" Yvaine chirped.
"Congratulations" was all Leah could utter.
Two months since the breakup, Leah reminded herself. Things were pretty normal on Arthur's side. Things seemed to be normal with Leah, too. The 'seemed' made a lot of difference.
The relationship meant a lot to Leah. It was a sign that Arthur loved her. The day he told her he loved her was the day Leah felt she owned the world. It was her everything, the reason she smiled all the time. The reason she never had to fake being happy. The reason things just seemed perfect! And when it was gone, Leah felt hollow. Like it was all an illusion, like it was just a dream, like it never happened. It wasn't meant to last, anyway. 'Cause it was too good to be true, she told herself.
"Life is all about loving yourself, Becky. A person who can't love himself can't love anyone else truly," she told Rebecca. And that's why I love him so selflessly, she thought.
Leah was trying very hard to keep herself from falling. Every smile she faked was like a dagger that went through her heart. Every laughter was a sign that she'd mustered all her strength to gulp down those tears which were on the verge of escaping her large eyes. "I hate relationships!" She'd say, while she just wanted to cry out to Arthur and plead him to come back. "Leah Kent is a strong girl." Indeed, she thought, a rather fake one.